I’m just like…
My friend and my sorority sister passed away. I can’t help but think about it, just wondering little things like her last thought, If she was in pain, if she is looking over us now, and what it’s just like to be dead pretty much. I’ve never had someone who I was friends with die from a random cause, I’ve had friends die from drugs before and that I can understand, I can wrap my head around drugs and it just doesn’t affect me as much I feel like because I can feel it coming, it’s not as surprising. With her it’s just different. This is someone that didn’t deserve to die, I know everyone says oh this person and this person were so great but this girl actually was, well still is. She could make anyone laugh, smile, she was someone that was genuinely liked by everyone in the house, everyone who came in contact with her. The one person that got along with everyone was the one person to also have her fate. To me this doesn’t seem fair, it doesn’t seem right. And also the way she died makes me think like why and what does god really have in store for us, why do these kids that do drugs that I’m friends with just pass out and die peacefully and painlessly but a good person, an innocent person dies what I would think would be painful? Honestly as weird as It may sound I can personally live with the idea of not seeing her again because since I left my school I learned to deal with that fact that a lot of people I might never see, what I can’t really live with is the idea of her just not being there at all not really for me but for her good friends and family …for as shitty as I feel it seems like she would be my good friend but in actuality we weren’t good friends, we were friends yes and she was my sister but This is just how much this girl has impacted me in a positive way. I could only imagine how her family and best friends are feeling right now. Right before fathers day especially. It just doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel real and all surreal. I found out yesterday before my flight and just while walking through the airport stopped. Just stopped. It was like I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream, I just told my president thank you for telling me and that I was so sorry and bye. I don’t really remember what I thought, I just called my other sisters and my friends to talk to them because with Kristen the only people that could understand how I felt, or how we all felt where her sisters. While I was on the Phone with one of my best friends/ sisters I told her and just started crying, keep in mind I really don’t cry, i don’t cry in public, I don’t make it obvious but at that moment I didn’t even care. I just cried and told Taylor what happened. That was probably the worst plane ride of my life. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat I just sat there, just thinking, no one to talk to or to listen to me. I just wanted to sit and cry and I felt like I was going to puke. I don’t really know why I’m writing this besides the fact that I just don’t know were else to write this. I dont even think anyone will read this but it’s just kinda nice to write. I think everyone in life has a purpose and Kristens was to make people smile, to make people laugh and to make people feel loved and she fulfilled that purpose to the greatest extent possible. She didn’t deserve to be taken from us, but she was and there is nothing anyone can do. I hope something good comes out of this, I think something will and want to be apart of it. She would’ve wanted it. But for now I can just sit and think and wonder what she is thinking, where she is, but no way to find out I guess. But whatever… I don’t know what else. RIP Kristen, my sister, my friend, our Diva, and a beautiful girl truly inside and out.
